The light of dawn cut through the darkness of Jay's vision, penetrating his eyes. Tears streamed down the edges of his cheeks, solemn like a morning drizzle the day after an agonizing breakup. His heart bounced around his ribcage like it wanted to escape.
The dream — now a memory — woved itself into him. All the different sensations — the pain of the the torture wounds, simmering echoes of the distraught screams and the horrid sight of the dying smiles that everyone gave him: all of them were tightly knitted into the chambers of his heart.
He curled in on himself, taking a fetus position for comfort as his broken and ragged sobs continued.
It wasn't necessarily sadness that caused Jay's tears, though it did certainly contribute to it. Majority of it was actually the feeling of hollowness, an aching abesence of something torn away that was he couldn't exist without. A grief far too large for mere words. A grief that was crushing and heavy, like he had lost a happy future he may have been destined to have.
Jay felt small. So small. Like he didn't understanding anything. Everything was too complicated. None of it made sense.
His body in the dream had been different. It was taller, broader, and marked with scars he didn’t recognize. The people around him too, the ones who had fought so desperately to rescue him, were strangers. The healer, the noble woman, and the last girl with her desperate, trembling smile. They had all given up their lives for him.
His dreams had been too real, but it nagged him how the details didn’t always align with reality. In the dream the day before, Mai had been bleeding out in the alleyway beside a bodega. But in reality, she’d her deathplace was outside his apartment. The discrepancy gnawed at him.
Were these visions even accurate?
Or are they just fragments, distorted by something else?
One thing in particular frustrated Jay: he couldn't remember their names. No matter how hard he mustered, his memory wouldn't cooperate. It was like an impossible itch.
But one thing stood out that he felt that he couldn't forget. The blonde girl. And her beautiful words.
I'll love you, always.
Jay who never had been loved felt indebted, and those words clung onto him like the reaper over mortals.
Why?
What could I have done to be loved? I don't deserve it.
But what irked him most was the identity of the one who uttered them.
Though she seemed older, many details stayed the same.
The beautiful eyes that shot right through his heart with ease.
The pretty long lashes that curled towards the skies.
The bright smile that even contrasted the pale space around them.
The spectacular display of mag that shook the dimension itself.
They all unmistakebly belonged to her.
The girl who was sleeping in his living room.
There's no way.
Jay opened his bedroom door, spotting Mai peacefully curled up on the couch, soft breaths in and out as she hugged her blanket.
Isn't she a little too defenseless?
…Well it kinda makes sense seeing how strong she is, probably thinks I'm no threat.
Jay drew closer, tiptoeing on the carpet rather than the wood. Rousing her would make things complicated.
Inspecting her face, Jay pulled his face further in search for those features in her. Her lashes were fine and sweeping. She was easily equally as gorgeous as well. Her smiles that naturally comes out when she talked about heaven were identical. But… there was something else. Across her fair skin lingered the dried traces of tears that had streamed down her cheeks.
Did she have a bad dream too? Anyways her face, she has to be—
Her eyes shot open, like she expected him to pounce on her and was trying to catch him in the act.
And catch him she did.
Though not in the act of pouncing on her but surprise that is, as Jay jumped back, smacking his head on the edge of the coffee table.
Mai: "What… were you trying to do…?"
Mai rubbed her eyes, a tinge of red veins mixed into her sclera, before giving look that screamed suspicion.
Jay's eyes darted elsewhere as he frantically tried to come up with his reasoning.
Jay: "I was just trying— just trying…"
Huh?
What was I even trying to do again?
Shit this looks bad!
His eyes drew back to her face, spotting his ticket out.
Jay: "Uh… I was just wondering… if you were crying."
Her hands shot up to touch her face, her fingers tracing over the dried marks and this time, it was her turn to look away.
Mai: "It's… none of your business."
Seeing her put up her guard, he decided not to pry. It was the least he could do after lying to her face.
Jay: "You're right. Just making sure you're alright though. Having a psycho on your tail isn't the best for your mental health."
Mai blinked, acknowledging Jay's thoughtful intention and she turned herself back to face him.
Mai: "Hey are you alright?"
She spotted something on his face that made her twirl the corner of her blanket.
Jay: "Yeah why do you ask…? You don't have to recipriocate my humble kindess you know haha\~"
Mai: "No, it's just that your… nevermind, it's none of my business."
Mai dipped her head before getting up from the makeshift bed, her movements much more fluid than the day before and her posture depicted that of a healthy teenage girl much better.
Mai: "Hey, I just wanted to say… thank you again for letting me stay the night."
Mai responded, much more reserved and respectful compared to the night before.
Mai: "I don't want to trouble you any further so I'll leave now."
As she made her way out, for some reason, Jay's hand reflexively reached out to grab hers before she could put more distance between the two.
Mai: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Her face turned uncomfortable.
Jay: "Oh sorry, I don't know why I uh… did that… "
He swiftly released the hand and looked away sheepishly. He wanted to shrink away. But something in him made him continue his thoughts out loud before he could stop himself. Something in him that made him reach his hand out earlier. Like he didn't want to lose her.
Jay: "I just wanted to ask… Mai… can I come with you?"
Mai: "…Sorry?"
She tilted her head, puzzled.
Jay: "Oh! Um, I meant come with you to heaven."
The words tumbled out, unnatural and unrefined.
Jay: "You were right. I mean, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life. But after what you said last night, I started to think that maybe, climbing the steps will help me find my answer. That I'll find a dream that I could can be proud of and passionate about like you."
Jay drooped his head, avoiding eye contact. Maybe he was afraid of her answer. What if she said no?
Then nothing would change.
I can't tell her that it's to fill this void in me. Ever since waking up from that dream I felt like something was missing and that maybe, just maybe that thing is my own dream.
…
…
…
Why can't I remember anything?
…
Why?
…
…
…
No reply?
She probably thinks I'm weird. For grabbing her hand. For asking to climb with her to heaven…
Jay sighed and reluctantly brought up his head, bracing himself for appalled reaction and a subsequent harsh rejection.
Instead of an expression of disgust, the pretty girl had a smile that stretched the horizon of her lower face, her eyes narrowing into cheerful crescents.
Mai: "REALLY!?!!?!"
She squeaked with joy, extending her hands to snatch back the one he pulled away earlier, shaking it eagerly.
Mai: "OF COURSEEE!!!!!!!"
Her cheeks blushed a light rose, her delight lighting up the room like the morning light that warms everything it touches.
Mai: "To be honest, I wanna help you find your dreams too!"
It didn't make sense. He couldn't use mag. No matter how he looked at it, he'll surely hold her back.
Jay: "But why?"
Mai: "Did you forget? You saved my life stupid!"
Jay’s chest tightened as Mai smiled at him, a smile of his own forming aswell. Not wide or playful like hers — just soft, a little tired, and of relief.
Her smile felt familiar to him.
It was like her bright smile could even contrast the pale apartment walls around them.
And that her beautiful eyes could shoot right through his heart with ease.
And that her pretty long lashes could curl towards the skies.
But for some reason, Jay couldn't put his finger down on why they felt familiar. He despised it. This feeling.
Jay: "You're too nice for your own good."
Mai: "I could say the same to you\~!"
She gave him a little nudge on the shoulder.
Mai: "Since you can't really fight… let's get you up to speed with the pathwalkers. They give you good experience. It'll be fun!"
She seems like a kid in a bakery the way she's jumping up and down… she changes completely when we talk about heaven.
Jay: "Yeah sure. But I don't even know what they do to be honest when to comes to climbing. They just each you techniques and stuff right?"
Mai: "They just teach you mag control and help you with domains. It's like supported self study but you make friends with other dreamers and dream with them!"
Jay: "Domains huh…"
He stroked his chin, reflecting on Mai's zealous pitch.
Jay: "Sounds good to me."
Mai: "Great! I'll meet you there next monday!"
Mai twirls around, making her way to the door.
Jay: "Wait!"
Mai: "Yeah? What's up?"
Jay: "What if you stayed here? I feel like—"
Fuck what am I doing?
Jay: "—it'll be safer for you here and we could train together as well. I think—"
Fuck.
Jay: "—it'll be better for the both of us."
Mai: "Huh?"
Jay: "…"
Mai: "…"
Jay: "…Sorry if I overstepped, nevermind."
Why am I hesitating again?
His words faltered, dying on his tongue.
Mai: "Nonono, that would be amazing! I'll stay!"
I'm always like thi—
Jay: "Wait really?"
Mai: "Yep!"
Without a word, she shifted closer, taking a seat beside him on the floor. As she laid her head down on the couch seat behind her, the idea finally began to take shape in his mind and clicked.
It was like putting a new battery in an old clock, the hand echoing its long lost ticks after decades of still.
Mai: "I needed somewhere to stay anyways haha!"
She beamed, radiating energy that blinded his negativity.
It felt like finally there was something ahead of him now, something at the end of his own path.
Mai: "Get ready okay soon okay? I wanna get there early."
She really said ye—
Jay: "Huh? Wait what? We're going today?!"
Mai: "Uh, yeah?"
She squinted her eyes dumbfounded at Jay, like she was simply stating the obvious.
Jay: "Wait holdon, I'm not mentally prepared! Give me some time!"
He backed away from her in a panic, shaking his hands in protest.
She just laughed at his unreadiness.
Mai: "Stop being a baby! You snooze you lose!"
Jay: "Okay, okay! Fine! Let me take a shower first atleast…"
I made a choice. I gotta stick with it.
Jay let out a breath, clouding the mirror parrallel to him. Walking out with the humidity softening his damp skin, he wrapped a towel snugly around his lean waist as he trekked across the cold tiles to his espresso machine. He slid a hand through his long textured black hair, clearing his eyesight of the wavy strands as he waited for the caffeine to drip out.
Don't go back. Do it for her. Whoever she is.
Fuck.
If only I could remember.
What was he feeling? Words can't describe what was embedded deep into Jay's concsious. Missing? Longing? Yearning? None of them worked.
He leaned into the counter, pumping two shots of hazelnut syrup and a short spill of milk into his mug before satisfying himself with a sip of his comfort latte. His shoulders eased and his gaze flickered up — and froze there.
His vision reached the couch, where Mai was on. But she wasn't just sitting, but more like practically dissolving into it, her cheeks a flushed a deep, embarassed pink. Her head faced the opposite way, trying her best to determine the chemical composition of the nearby wall.
He lowered his mug, looking down at his half-dressed attire, short circuiting.
Jay: "Uh…"
All in one instantaneous motion, he dashed into his room, slipping into the nearest articles of clothing that didn't smell like complete musk.
Entering back into the living room, he bashfully tried to hide his embarrassment.
Jay: "My… bad?"
Mai: "Yeah, your bad! Shouldn't you be clothed when you come out?!"
She barked from across the room, criticizing his forgetfulness.
Jay: "Hey! I'm used to living alone! Better than me walking out butt booty naked though, right?"
Mai: "Shut up!"
Finally turning around, she pressed her face into the armrest as she studied Jay.
Jay: "…"
Mai: "…"
Jay: "What is it? You think 'losers' can't work out here and there?"
In between the sips of his latte, Mai could see flashes of a smirk growing on his face. And to put it simply, it pissed her off.
Mai: "You're wayyyy too full of yourself. It's just rare, that's all. Most people just use visus to strengthen their bodies so like why bother if mag can just do it for you?"
Jay: "Try it out, it's relaxing. Plus it looks like it'll still make me popular with the girls…"
He shrugged, acknowledging her comment with a rebuttal.
Mai: "Ewww, get a hold of that ego…"
Plainly ignoring her comment, Jay raised his arm, flexing his bicep. Her eyes never rolled faster before.
Jay: "Oh yeah… I almost forgot. Here, you'll be needing this."
He tosses an old phone to Mai.
Jay: "It's my old phone. I noticed you didn't have one so thought you could use this in the meantime."
Mai: "No way! A real phone!"
The curious girl holds the ancient antique in front of the light, inspecting it like it was some mystical mag artifact.
Jay: "You're talking like you've never had a phone before."
Mai: "Uh, nope. I've only seen it in books."
Books?
That answer puzzled Jay but he decided to brush it off and not press.
Jay: "Shit. Uhh… you know what it does?"
She tilted her head, finger pressed lightly to her cheek.
Mai: "Kinda?"
Jay: "…Alright here we go."
Jay unlocked the phone, showing her the homescreen, apps, and how to call him if she needed him. Unfortunately, Mai seemed completely like a fish out of water, all of the basic terminology sounding like a foreign language to her.
Looks like the internet's gonna be a full semester worth of content for her…
Jay: "It's okay if you completely suck ass. How about you just try to send me a message."
Mai gave him an astute nod and bit her lip in concentration, fumbling the touchscreen as she typed out:
h
he
hel
hello j
hello jay :)
A ding rang out from his pocket. He pulled out his phone and showed her the result of her hardwork back to her, her hands shaking from excitement.
Mai: "Praise my smartness!"
Jay: "Took you long enough."
Is smartness even a real word?
Mai: "…"
Jay tipped his head to his foyer.
Jay: "Anyways, let's get going. I gotta show you around cause you're not from here."
Mai: "Finally! Let's go!"
On their journey to the Path Order Sanctum, Jay was bombarded by questions over and over from Mai leading to detour on top of detours. Questions ranging from how buses worked, where he worked, why there was so many bakerys, most of them unrelated to Nythe. Jay patiently answered her questions, but the more she asked, the more skeptical he became.
Mai: "Woah, everyone here is dressed so nicely! Except for you atleast."
She took a glance at the afternoon crowd and back to Jay, who wore his humble hoodie and sweatpants combo.
Jay: "What I'm wearing is comfortable."
Mai: "Loserrr."
She teased but her attention snapped to a motorcycle flying down the street, her eyes lighting up while the exhaust roared along the sidewalk.
Mai: "Woah! A real motorcycle!"
Jay: "Your city down south doesn't have any of this?"
Mai: "Oh uh… it's complicated. I was a bit isolated from the world because of my family, so most of the stuff I know is from books."
Her eyes subtly avoided his.
Jay: "Gotchu."
He nodded, not responding, though it wasn't because he was trying considerate, but because he didn't know what to say.
Looks like she had it rough.
That silence carried until they reached the sanctum, which Mai seemed to appreciate.
The sanctum was quite the impressive sight. Spanning across a couple miles, it was a sprawling complex of architecture, both classical and modern that blended seamlessly together. Lecture halls, open training fields, musuems, research labs, the main headquarters of Earth's Path Order held everything a dreamer would need to dream.
Didn't think the difference of seeing it in person would be this much…
In the distance loud shockwaves shook the ground. Mai dashed ahead to see the commotion and Jay scrambled to follow, though much slower. Standing at the edge of one of the training fields Jay spotted a group of pathwalkers, donning white robes striped in gold sparring. Their movements were fluid and precise, flashes of fire mag toasted the air in smoke flying past each other as they exchanged blows in succession, leaving no room for opening nor breaks. Mai's eyes were in a trance watching the intense pace, completely mesmerised from their output.
Though the combat drew her attention and was certainly a marvel up close, Jay's attention was solely on her.
She really is in love with dreaming.
His eyes returned to the sparring pathwalkers, who continued their training.
I wonder if I can eventually use mag like that too.
Soon the pathwalkers stopped for a breather and Mai clapped her hands in amusement.
Mai: "Seeing it just gets me pumped up!"
Seeing her excitement return, Jay let out sigh, glad that the awkwardness between them had faded again. The time flashed as he flung his phone into his right hand, notifying him that they still got some leeway before meeting their mentor.
Jay: "We still have a bit of time before orientation. Wanna explore a bit more?"
Mai: "Sure!"
Before he could plan out an itinerary, Mai dashed forwards into the open courtyard, the deciduous trees complimenting the grass with an orange hue. Chasing after the overeager girl was a job in it of itself.
Mai: "This place is huge! It's like a school but not kinda at the same time!"
Taking in her scenery, she did a twirl, enveloping herself into the student atmosphere. Jay's look relaxed as he continued his job as the expositor.
Jay: "Yeah it’s more like a military base mixed with a training facility mixed with a research hub. The Path Order’s got sanctums on every planet, but this one’s the main one for Earth since we're in the capital so it's a bit bigger than your average one."
She nodded, listening intently before quickly jumping onto her next subject of choice. She points to a statue at the centre of the courtyard: a man with a physique of great vigor holding a loaf of bread tucked underneath one arm, his other arm forming a fist facing the sky.
Mai: "Who's that? He looks kinda important."
She really knows nothing huh?
Jay: "That's Fibolo, the God of Bread. He's Earth's god."
Mai: "Bread?"
She raised her eyes, visibly confused.
Jay: "Yeah pretty lame, not gonna lie. But that's why there's so many bakerys littered everywhere."
Mai: "How about her?"
After Jay's explanation, like a curious toddler, she redirected her next inquiry to a bronze statue on the opposite side of the pathway. The statue was remarkably realistic, each muscular vein, each placement of her hairstrands was sculpted with the model in mind. The art piece displayed a Pathwalker raising her sword, her uniform ruffled and layered with robes that shielded her skin. Her face was carved with an expression that lacked uncertainty, her eyes tensed and fixed ahead to the far horizon.
Jay: "No clue."
Mai skipped to the base of the statue, reading out the small, golden plaque that was screwed on.
Mai: "Anastasia… first dreamer to return from hell. She looks really strong!"
Jay: "Yeah she does."
Jay responded, just humoring her.
In all honesty, he didn't really care that she was the first dreamer to return from hell. Or that she was particularly strong or not. Even though he decided he'll become a dreamer with her, he simply didn't have the same level of passion that she has. It's like he was some importer.
Am I making the wrong decision here?
It's like I'm only here to tagging along.
…
…
..
What am I thinking?
No regrets. Cmon.
While still in thought, Jay suddenly feels Mai's soft fingers looping around his palm, pulling him along with her.
Mai: "Hey! It's finally time! Let's go!"
Jay stiffened for a second.
You really can’t just grab another guy’s hand like that.
He let out a quiet sigh and despite his embarrassment, let himself be dragged along anyway.